Friday, July 5, 2013

The Boyfriend Effect

Once upon a time, I finally found a boyfriend (cheers are allowed).  So it's almost like when you tell people, they say one of two things, 1) AWE, great!  or 2) Finally, dude.  It's really a toss up.  I mean, I consider myself a good catch, but it appears that I am the lucky one.  So let me tell you why and give you some examples.  First, he is a friendly guy, here is a picture of good ol' Jimmy.  He would kill me if he knew that is the name I gave him in my blog.  Well it was that or Giovanni.  Well whatever, I am the blogger.  

Ok, so that really isn't him.  Put this is how I kinda picture him, since he is in sales.  He basically can make this same gesture and it's spot on.  However, I noticed that when I introduced to him to a few of MY people, they would facebook friend him.  Now you are like Diana, so what?  He sits back and lets the new friends roll in.  You know what, YOU'RE WELCOME!  Then, my parents, I actually asked my dad, hey who is the last guy you liked, that I introduced  you to?  Brent *names have been changed to protect the innocent X-boyfriends of my life*  I mean basically, my parents haven't liked anyone I dated since HIGH SCHOOL!  Hello.  What happened?  I said, oh hey I am going to date a bunch of douchbags for 17 years.  Apparently so.  They do, however, like Jimmy.  FINALLY, dude.  (see I say it too, sometimes.)  

So then the compliments roll in, "oh, he is so well mannered", "oh, he is so handsome with good hair", "oh he has a lovely smile", "oh he cooks, how did you luck out?"  Well I PICKED him, damn it.  Where is the credit going?  I mean he didn't show up on my front door.  I had to SEARCH.  I mean, yes, my past record hasn't been great.  BUT, I weeded those fools out.  I have kept my standards, anticipating that I would find Mr. Right.  So there you go.  I am pretty clear on the fact that I can't cook.  So hence since he loves to cook, I love to enjoy and sample that good cooking, plus I do clean up people!  He's taller than me.  Well folks, I didn't wake up yesterday and go, oh hey, I am so tall I think I will date a short guy so I can feel like the Amazon chick I am EVERY OTHER DAY OF THE YEAR!   I mean my friends make me feel like that because they are all 5 foot nothing.   I have used these important tools to design what I am looking for.  Now he isn't perfect, but that is for another day and another blog.

Now I will tell you this.  I can tell you that I do truly appreciate him, because, I dated all those douchebags, and when you have been through that fun, you will truly savor the day you meet someone sweet and caring.  It's like going to the path of righteousness in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade.  "Only the penitent will pass."  I swear, I am Indiana Jones, and I have to go through all these little tests to get to the cup, which might be Jimmy.  It's just a comparison, don't get nuts now.  I happen to reference 80's movies, so get on board.  Miss Hollywood gets it, so you should too.  




Just remember all the great things he is getting.  Here, I will help you with a list:
1) NOT crazy
2) Has a job (if you can call it that)
3) Blonde with no split ends, and TALL
4) Hilarious, thoughtful and friendly
5) Financially responsible
6) Brilliant

I mean, it's a wonder it took this long.  

The End.

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