Saturday, July 27, 2013

The Worst Boss EVER




Once upon a time there was a girl deemed the smartest girl in Bedford, TX.  Well this poor girl got a new job in 2012 with all of the highest hopes in the world.  Quite honestly, she was just happy to have a job and pay her mortgage.  So this is where the story begins.  You see, she got a government job.  The benefits seems great, everyone was nice, the pay was pretty good, BUT, and that's a big BUT, it should have started at 500,000 with what she learned she was about to be putting up with.  *Evil horror movie music starts here, actually picture the shower scene from Psycho*  
There were some immediate downfalls. 

Downfall #1


The office is FAR, and not far in mileage, but FAR in how long I would have to sit in traffic.  Now, don't get me wrong, I don't drive too much or there would be dead bodies on 183E and then more dead bodies on I35E.   I am guessing I would probably lose my CHL and then they would haul me to Prison, and my friends would only be able to see me on Lock Up, the show on MSNBC Friday through Sunday.  (If you haven't seen, you will need to tape some of that action).  I take the train and pretend I live in a real city like Chicago or New York.  Luckily, it is a good time to read books and escape the dread of going to work, and then it becomes a calm place when leaving this horrible nightmare of a job.  So on top of the longest commute in the history of the world, I have to get up at the crack of dawn for.

Downfall #2


I sit in a cube where the walls aren't high enough.  It's like half walls, so everyone can see me and everyone can talk and you are just stuck in the middle.  I have no door to close, or rather no door to slam in someone's face.  

Downfall #3


There is no expense account, so I thought I came from a place where we couldn't spend too much money because it was always tight, here you literally can't spend a dime.  If you do spend a dime, it's your dime. 
Downfall #4


The attire is business.  Who does that anymore?  Oh hey, go get a suit and some panty house because it's 1970 around here.  I mean the only break you get is the summer, and I am guessing because it's 1,000 degrees out.  Or perhaps someone just dropped over of heat stroke from wearing a Men's Warehouse suit, who knows!  What I know is that I think panty hose are stupid. 

So all of that was pretty shocking to me.  But, what shocked me the most was MY boss, or should I say, the boss I think I report to right now.  The Heat Meizer.  My friend, we will call her, African Queen, painted the best picture ever.  She showed me a video and basically that describes her.  She wears linen, like a lot, it's the most wrinkled fabric known to man, or at least to me.  As soon as you sit down one time, it's like you need to bust out an iron.  I am not sure why she chooses that, but she has an entire outfit in fluorescent yellow.  
Manager 101 Flaw #1


But besides the linen, she refuses to let anyone make a single decision without HER consent.  I mean, last time I checked, I knew how to make a decision.  So what is terrible is that this has been beat into the employees and now they can't do ANYTHING without asking her.  What happened to empowering your employees to make a decision and think for themselves?  If you do something without telling her or "keep her in the loop", she raises her voice at you.  This happened once.  I then informed her I understood she was mad, but I wasn't afraid of her.  It's like this overall feeling in the office that everyone cowers to her.  I don't get it.  She is just a person. 

Manager 101 Flaw #2


She has a hierarchy system, basically like Royalty in the 17th century.  I mean, she treats hourly employees terrible, like she is better than them and that they don't deserve to be in the same room as her.  It is horrible.  I mean, why would you treat people that way?  Not everyone has the same opportunities.  Plus, it doesn't mean they aren't smart.  Everyone is NOT cut out for college, but end up just fine in the world.  She only speaks to people who have formal education.  I just think that is plan wrong.   What I find ironic, it they are always the ones that save your ass.  I mean, they know the system, they know other people in different departments.  Plus, they happen to be pretty technical, while the advanced managers are often not.  So why for heaven's sake would you talk down to someone that can help you if you just simply asked with a please and a thank you? 

Manager 101 Flaw#3


She wants change, but doesn't change anything.  Just because it has been done that way for the last 100 years doesn't mean it is the best thing going forward.  You can present a million great ideas or things to implement efficiency and she will either ignore it or it will get lost in her office, never to be seen again. 

The morale of this story is FIND ANOTHER JOB...and I plan to.

The End.

Friday, July 5, 2013

The Boyfriend Effect

Once upon a time, I finally found a boyfriend (cheers are allowed).  So it's almost like when you tell people, they say one of two things, 1) AWE, great!  or 2) Finally, dude.  It's really a toss up.  I mean, I consider myself a good catch, but it appears that I am the lucky one.  So let me tell you why and give you some examples.  First, he is a friendly guy, here is a picture of good ol' Jimmy.  He would kill me if he knew that is the name I gave him in my blog.  Well it was that or Giovanni.  Well whatever, I am the blogger.  

Ok, so that really isn't him.  Put this is how I kinda picture him, since he is in sales.  He basically can make this same gesture and it's spot on.  However, I noticed that when I introduced to him to a few of MY people, they would facebook friend him.  Now you are like Diana, so what?  He sits back and lets the new friends roll in.  You know what, YOU'RE WELCOME!  Then, my parents, I actually asked my dad, hey who is the last guy you liked, that I introduced  you to?  Brent *names have been changed to protect the innocent X-boyfriends of my life*  I mean basically, my parents haven't liked anyone I dated since HIGH SCHOOL!  Hello.  What happened?  I said, oh hey I am going to date a bunch of douchbags for 17 years.  Apparently so.  They do, however, like Jimmy.  FINALLY, dude.  (see I say it too, sometimes.)  

So then the compliments roll in, "oh, he is so well mannered", "oh, he is so handsome with good hair", "oh he has a lovely smile", "oh he cooks, how did you luck out?"  Well I PICKED him, damn it.  Where is the credit going?  I mean he didn't show up on my front door.  I had to SEARCH.  I mean, yes, my past record hasn't been great.  BUT, I weeded those fools out.  I have kept my standards, anticipating that I would find Mr. Right.  So there you go.  I am pretty clear on the fact that I can't cook.  So hence since he loves to cook, I love to enjoy and sample that good cooking, plus I do clean up people!  He's taller than me.  Well folks, I didn't wake up yesterday and go, oh hey, I am so tall I think I will date a short guy so I can feel like the Amazon chick I am EVERY OTHER DAY OF THE YEAR!   I mean my friends make me feel like that because they are all 5 foot nothing.   I have used these important tools to design what I am looking for.  Now he isn't perfect, but that is for another day and another blog.

Now I will tell you this.  I can tell you that I do truly appreciate him, because, I dated all those douchebags, and when you have been through that fun, you will truly savor the day you meet someone sweet and caring.  It's like going to the path of righteousness in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade.  "Only the penitent will pass."  I swear, I am Indiana Jones, and I have to go through all these little tests to get to the cup, which might be Jimmy.  It's just a comparison, don't get nuts now.  I happen to reference 80's movies, so get on board.  Miss Hollywood gets it, so you should too.  




Just remember all the great things he is getting.  Here, I will help you with a list:
1) NOT crazy
2) Has a job (if you can call it that)
3) Blonde with no split ends, and TALL
4) Hilarious, thoughtful and friendly
5) Financially responsible
6) Brilliant

I mean, it's a wonder it took this long.  

The End.