Once upon a time, I was asked to be the MAID OF HONOR. When you read that make sure you say it in a voice that echos. I have never been chosen as the maid of honor, but I can tell you that I have been a bridesmaid half a dozen times. With the Maid of Honor comes a sense of great happiness to me. I mean, it's like being #1 or the MVP of the wedding. I have learned a great many things while being in weddings, or even attending weddings. Here is a quick break down:
1) When the bride asks you what you think about her soon to be groom, smile regardless of what you think, and say these words, "if you are happy, then I am happy." Now I will add this disclaimer. The older you get the more you find who your real friends are. If you are over the age of 30, you can actually be honest...either way.
2) The wedding will always be different then what you want. Keep that it mind and when discussing details, just say you like their ideas and know that you don't have to do it that way if one day you get married. SIDEBAR - there will be a Pez Bride and Groom on my cake. I am not sure others would not want to do that. That is why it would be on MY cheesecake Bride cake. (yes, I prefer cheesecake) White cake is stupid. Plus, think of all the different flavored cheesecakes you could stack. HELLO!
3) Make sure that if there is dancing, there is a Michael Jackson song played. Michael Jackson is timeless. I know that most people think it is Etta James, "At Last," but for me it's Michael Jackson. You can not discredit a fine artist who created the song, "Dirty Diana" I am just saying. ***this statement does not mean I don't have a romantic side, but you better have some insight into my soul before you choose a song that you think is going to get my attention. I am an onion, and some cheezy Taylor Swift song isn't going to cut it. Make a note.***
4) There should always be alcohol. Period.
5) The bridesmaids and Maid of Honor should always be clear that the Bride is in charge, and you will accommodate to her. It's her day and you are there to be supportive. You will wear whatever dress she has chosen for you. SEE BELOW.
I once did this very act. Now, later, I did write a tiny little article and I am just going to tell you that it blew up in my face. I never meant to cause any hurt feelings. It was just a dress I didn't care for. At the end of the day, a dress is a dress. If a friendship is strong, then it will last. I truly believe that. I blacked out the faces, which I should have done initially. Hey, you live and you learn right?
Those are the wedding tips I have for you. I am sure there are several others but this is what I find to be true. I hope that the weddings you are chosen for are the ones where you are not taking bets on the divorce date. I hope that even though you may attend 20 weddings, that your hope to find a soul-mate isn't the slightest bit diminished.
I've been told I am "picky" It doesn't piss me off any less than the first time I heard it several years ago. I have a good life, I have good friends, and I would rather be with a man that feels like my best friend (besides Mr. Pacman - he has found his love, but he knows the real me) and wants to grow old with me, than settle on some schmuck. I hope he is OK with looking older than me. SIDEBAR - I moisturize. I hope that he sees me for the real me, and I hope that he does little thoughtful things for me that shows me that he thinks I am the cat's meow. I hope he will understand that I wake up like a bear and that he doesn't mind that I can't talk too early...
The End.
