1 out of every crazy person gets married on Match.com

Do you like my title? Yea, that should be the real advertising. I am serious. So I signed up for a 3 month subscription to match.com about 1 month ago. Can you just cancel early? I mean seriously. There are some really nice looking men on there, don't get me wrong. I haven't heard from them, but they are there.

So contrary to what people may believe about me, I am a bit shy when it comes to the match.com. I know what you are thinking, this girl? shy? I know, but when it comes to someone rejecting you with the "thanks, but no thanks" comment, you tend to be a little guarded. So I tend to wink, which in all fairness is not really happening at the last couple bars I was to in person. Imagine that? If a guy could just wink at me and I knew he was interested, I would be set. But that would be simply too easy.

So about 3 weeks ago, I throw in the towel and email this dude. It's hard to just start a random conversation. You wouldn't think so, but you really have to carefully think about what you want to say in this very impressionable first email. It's make or break. So I tend to really have trouble with this. I send him an email which I thought was quite witty and he responds. We discuss the latest sports scores and what we like to do. I thought to myself, this is going swimmingly. So I respond with another email saying, oh you are so funny and we probably have the same sense of humor. Chuckle, hee hee. Then being the bold lady I truly am. I decide to send my number. Prepare for HORROR music.
The end. Yep, after our glorious 4 emails together, I send my number and I have never heard from him again. Ahhh such is life as a single spinster. I assure you that if I was more crazy and had more drama and more baggage, I would certainly have a boyfriend by now.

Which brings me to a side story. Once upon a time at work in the break-room, I was having my routine morning coffee. The "gimp" (yea, I know - Pulp Fiction - Bring out the Gimp) who is how I like to refer to the latest employee on light duty was also back there cleaning up something I don't care about. The topic of children arose due to the past work BBQ and the insane amount of children that attended. So Miss Silky hair says, "Chuck (not his real name), how many kids do you have again?" He replies, (ever so non-chalantly) 6. At this point, I nearly fall off my seat and crack my head wide open. I am like 6 freaking kids. How the hell does that happen? The next question gets even better, "you're married, right?" Chuck responds with, and I shit you not, "well I was married three times, but now I am divorced, I have custody of 3 of my kids. They are ages, 1, 2, 7, 8, 10, 12" Did your mind just instantly flash to CHEAPER BY THE DOZEN???

Good lord, he is HALF WAY THERE! Wait for it, wait for it. He is 31! Drum roll please. So without any filter, I burst out with, "you know there are several types of birth control available." I mean good grief, you know I am paying for all those damn kids through my health benefits somehow. And I thought to myself. Do you eat ramen noodles because that is all you can afford since you probably pay out 1 bajillion dollars in CHILD SUPPORT??? How in the hell did this guy get married 3 times? The third wife had to be the craziest. I think by her, he all ready had 4 kids. If that were me, I would have took off running the other direction....at LIGHT SPEED.

This brings me to yet another side conversation that took place after this little break-room incident. Lunch with my dad. Generally this involves a burger, but we got on the topic of this article I had read from CNN, titled, Why men are in trouble, By William J. Bennett, CNN Contributor updated 10:27 AM EST, Tue October 4, 2011. (in case you want to read it). Apparently they had talked about this article on the Today Show (and damn it, I missed it). Anyways, my dad was watching and they asked the question, "What would you prefer, a man with intelligence or a man with manners?" My dad says, "of course Star Jones said, "a man with intelligence." Then my dad says, who would you pick? I said, "a man with manners." There aren't too many anymore. And trust me, there is a difference between a man with manners and a gentleman. But that is for another blog entry. Don't get me wrong, I think intelligence is important, but what happens when they are so smart, and can't remember to open the door for you. The article topic was that women no longer really need men. We are more educated, making good money, heading to church, and women aren't feeling pressured to get married. These people clearly don't live in Texas, because here, they marry you at high school graduation. Anyways, it was interesting.

But the hopeless romantic in me is sad. I always thought I would at least be married at this point. And I know people say it's not what it's cracked up to be, but my parents have been married 39 years. I mean obviously something is working. When my dad calls my mom, her ringtone for him is Hot Stuff. I hope when I get married, that my husband's ringtone for me is "Dirty Diana" by Michael Jackson. Get your head out of the gutter, it's a good song and it has my name in it. Don't hate on the great 80's Michael Jackson. That music is timeless.

Regardless, if I don't get married. I have my Panini maker. And all is good in the world.