The Nightmare of Dating...

Once upon a time, matchmaking services were offered to me. I accepted. Little Miss Liar decided she was going to find me the man of my dreams by all means necessary. I, being the adventurous type, decided that this would be a good idea. I told Little Miss Liar that I would accept any advice, go out with anyone she chose (based on my strict criteria) and would explore all suggested avenues.

So first, she sent me to a dating service. She signed me up online while I drove us back from a business trip. I had no idea what she put and who this company was, but Oprah liked it. So naturally, Little Miss Liar went out of town and I got a phone call. So Little Miss Liar promptly made me call her back and sent me over. I met with the craziest lady on the planet. It was 2 hours of my life I will never get back. She was unprofessional, she asked personal questions, (yea, those questions). I am like, hello, who the hell are you? I am not going to tell you anything about that. Then I had to watch a cheesy 80's dating film with a complete cast of freakshow people in it. Don't worry, she continued to tell me about how she broke all the rules, but she met her mate. So she asked me 100 questions about myself, but then told me her answer to all the same questions. I was worn out. Then I am like, hit me with the price. I am tired, hungry, and I am pretty sure this lady was either on drugs, or stuck her finger in the electric socket to do her hair that morning. She was a cross between a mental patient and a mad scientist.

So guess what it cost? $7,500!!! Can you believe that? Who in their right mind pays that? Apparently some guys, because then she whipped out the professional pictures they take! All part of the inexpensive price of $7,500.00. I am sorry but I had a glamour shot when I was 12, and I promise I would use that before forking over that kind of money. Plus my glamour shots were like $99.00 and I looked FABULOUS! I had 2 lbs of make up on and giant hair. I looked like a grown up. So of course she got the price down to $4,500.00 as a deal to me, but naturally she needed it up front. Don't worry, only 4% of the people meet their mate in the first year. So get ready for the 3 year long commitment. I would rather take $4,500.00 and head to Europe and find a mate with an ancient and the need for a greencard!!! Preferably an Italian, who could cook lasagna and who would hand me wads of cash to go shopping with. The more he look like Olivier Martinez, the better. Where did all the real men go?

Maybe I am looking for a unicorn...a great guy that doesn't really exist...