A contact deleted...

So today I woke up very sad. It's not because I wanted to. It was out of my control, really! I was dreaming. Dreaming of an old love. Dreaming, so when I woke up, I almost thought it was real. I hate that. It's frustrating. Can't you block that stuff?

***SIDEBAR: I was watching "My Own Worst Enemy" with Christian Slater, and he has a memory chip so he can have 2 personalities. I want that installed this year. ***

I mean I wish I could control my subconscious, because if I could, I would erase that person for my memory for the new year, then when I was finally done missing him, I would enter him back in for the good memories. This seems to happen when I am deep in sleep, and then when I wake up, I smile, and then frown and then cuss the alarm because clearly it's too early to be getting up. I am going to add something to throw the next time. Something that could shatter into a million pieces, like a vase. That might be a good release. I also contemplated a voodoo doll. I know, I know, it's bad, but boy if it worked, that would be so cool.

So today as I was sitting at my desk, avoiding the audits I so clearly need to be doing. I opened my phone, and deleted that old love. I would say his name, but I vowed not to do that in the new year either. No stories about him, no saying his name, and if I could control it, never thinking about him. Deleted everything, the address, the phone number, the email, everything. Is this part of the cleansing? I don't know. It was hard, like I didn't want to let it go. But then I asked myself, what the heck am I keeping this for? The hopes of a phone call that won't be happening? The hope that I might call. That certainly won't be happening. So I took a deep breathe and I just hit delete. Deleting a contact in my phone is so very sad. It seems so very final. Like someone died. I used to keep the contacts, for the just in case chance they called me, and I would not be surprise attacked by answering a number I didn't recognize. So I could avoid that hurt. Nope, now I will just act surprised if I ever get a call, because I actually will be.