I just recently had a conversation with my co-workers in regards to manners and respect. We know that manners differ around the world, but we forget that they also differ from region to region within the United States, too.
I was thrown into the North verses South debate of whether or not to say “Yes, ma’am,” and “No, Sir.” Southerners are adamant and I mean that to the fullest extend of the word, that this shows good manners and respect when both adults and kids use it. While Northerners use please and thank you a lot as well as other polite expressions including “Sure” or “No problem”—we can’t bring ourselves to add the “Ma’am” or the “Sir.” I consider myself a person with good manners. I do say thank you A LOT, and I am quite sure I am the 'Princess' of written thank you notes.
I have also read that northerners have said not to say “Yes, Ma’am,’ or “No Sir” as “it sounded subservient.” I tend to agree. However, I am in the South and I accept that it is a sign of respect.
Good manners or subservient? Is this what it boils down to? After listening to lots of “Yes, ma’ams” throughout my life, it has became both familiar and pleasant. None the less, truth be told, it is difficult for me in turn to say “Yes, ma’am” and “No, Sir.” It would take longer than twenty years for me to adopt.
So who’s right? Well no one. Just as it’s good manners to slurp your noodles in Japan or to belch after a meal in Taiwan, no one is right and no one is wrong. Different people with different histories, traditions and culture develop different rules.
So what’s the answer? Please don’t judge us too harshly when we don’t say “Yes, ma’am” or “No, Sir”!
As for respect, and titles, I might see things a little different. Now my close friends who have kids, have their children call me 'Your highness'. Actually that would be awesome. However, they call me Miss Diana. My God-kids call my Diana, which makes no difference to me. However, in my work environment, I call people by their first name. They are people that I work with. I mean no disrespect, but I see it as we are even. We work in the same environment. I will call you by your first name whether you are 22 or 62. I really don't see any issue with that.
HOWEVER, the ladies I work with insist that you put a Ms. or Mr. in front of people that are your elder. For me, it depends on the situation. It also depends on how I am introduced. If I only know you as Mr. Johnson, then I will tend to just call you that, unless corrected. Now my man (yep- do you see how I stuck that in, like it was totally natural?) has a mother that happens to be 92. (long story) I recently got her a birthday card. I was torn as to whether I should call her Ms. Williams or Helen of Troy (but she isn't from Troy, but some po-dunk town you haven't heard of ...I digress). So I went with Ms. Helen. I am an adult. I respect her so that is why I added the Ms, well that and she is 92. Now this man of mine (see - there is a little ownership there but not too much like he is my property), he calls my parents Mike and Carol, (yep - like the Brady Bunch). I don't care, and I am sure they don't care. I mean, this smart ass guy would tell you they are just happy there is a man around. (SIDEBAR - Yes, I am grateful because I dated a lot of frogs, but I know I am the best thing he has EVER found, and I know this because he once told me he was waiting for 'crazy'...I might be the first one that isn't!!!)
The End.
I was thrown into the North verses South debate of whether or not to say “Yes, ma’am,” and “No, Sir.” Southerners are adamant and I mean that to the fullest extend of the word, that this shows good manners and respect when both adults and kids use it. While Northerners use please and thank you a lot as well as other polite expressions including “Sure” or “No problem”—we can’t bring ourselves to add the “Ma’am” or the “Sir.” I consider myself a person with good manners. I do say thank you A LOT, and I am quite sure I am the 'Princess' of written thank you notes.
I have also read that northerners have said not to say “Yes, Ma’am,’ or “No Sir” as “it sounded subservient.” I tend to agree. However, I am in the South and I accept that it is a sign of respect.
Good manners or subservient? Is this what it boils down to? After listening to lots of “Yes, ma’ams” throughout my life, it has became both familiar and pleasant. None the less, truth be told, it is difficult for me in turn to say “Yes, ma’am” and “No, Sir.” It would take longer than twenty years for me to adopt.
So who’s right? Well no one. Just as it’s good manners to slurp your noodles in Japan or to belch after a meal in Taiwan, no one is right and no one is wrong. Different people with different histories, traditions and culture develop different rules.
So what’s the answer? Please don’t judge us too harshly when we don’t say “Yes, ma’am” or “No, Sir”!
As for respect, and titles, I might see things a little different. Now my close friends who have kids, have their children call me 'Your highness'. Actually that would be awesome. However, they call me Miss Diana. My God-kids call my Diana, which makes no difference to me. However, in my work environment, I call people by their first name. They are people that I work with. I mean no disrespect, but I see it as we are even. We work in the same environment. I will call you by your first name whether you are 22 or 62. I really don't see any issue with that.
HOWEVER, the ladies I work with insist that you put a Ms. or Mr. in front of people that are your elder. For me, it depends on the situation. It also depends on how I am introduced. If I only know you as Mr. Johnson, then I will tend to just call you that, unless corrected. Now my man (yep- do you see how I stuck that in, like it was totally natural?) has a mother that happens to be 92. (long story) I recently got her a birthday card. I was torn as to whether I should call her Ms. Williams or Helen of Troy (but she isn't from Troy, but some po-dunk town you haven't heard of ...I digress). So I went with Ms. Helen. I am an adult. I respect her so that is why I added the Ms, well that and she is 92. Now this man of mine (see - there is a little ownership there but not too much like he is my property), he calls my parents Mike and Carol, (yep - like the Brady Bunch). I don't care, and I am sure they don't care. I mean, this smart ass guy would tell you they are just happy there is a man around. (SIDEBAR - Yes, I am grateful because I dated a lot of frogs, but I know I am the best thing he has EVER found, and I know this because he once told me he was waiting for 'crazy'...I might be the first one that isn't!!!)
The End.
