The Cruise Chronicles - Chapter 2 - The Airport

Dear Phantom Readers, I don't know about you, but airports taunt me. I am pretty sure it's only me. So as you know, after I got my nails, I did eventually leave to go to the airport to fly to Miami. My gaybors and I had a sweet hookup, so we got to park in the employee lot. So I hoisted my bag in the shuttle and to what did I notice, a co-workers wife. It was so nice to see her because she is crazy and would always bring me my first beer at the dreaded work Christmas party. I will always be fond of her. So after this little pleasant meeting, I hoisted my bag off the shuttle and made it to the security check in.


Security check in is a beating. Guess what else is a beating? Traveling on Labor day. Everyone and their grandmother is checking their floral bag. So I have to check my bag. I got secret cruise booze in there, and it wasn't just 3 ounces if you get my drift. So then I get charged a lousy $25.00. I can't wait until I am an MBA executive with a fat paying job. Remember when your bags got to fly with you for FREE? So then I get in the line to go through security. Usually they think I am the suspicious one. But I made if safely through the first go round. So we find Mr. Karaoke King, and head out for a sandwich. Little did I know that it is what almost saved my life. So we board the plane and all goes smoothly and we take off. I read a NON school book for the first time in probably a year and enjoyed that it was for pleasure and not a lesson. So we land and everything is working out great. One gaybor says, I will go get the rental car and pick you guys up, you guys get the luggage. I am like sweet. The plans were to go out to South beach and see Kourtney and Kloe Kardashian (well maybe just my plans). So we wait for an eternity and our bags come out and we are skipping out the door. And then I was hit by a wall, a wall of HUMIDITY! HELLO! Its like a MILLION %. I would never have straight hair again if I lived there. See example below:

So we get on the shuttle bus and we don't move. At All. We get our high tech phones out and what happens next. BOMB THREAT! Airport shuts down, we are stranded on a shuttle bus. Of course.

Upon getting back from my trip, I hear that it is a Texas Tech professor. Awesome. I went to Texas Tech. Thanks buddy for having me stranded on a shuttle bus. If I hadn't had that 20 dollar sub before I took off, I would have had to pick which person looked tasty enough to eat, just like that movie in the snow, when they had to eat each other to survive. to be continued...